sleepless nights

What a fortnight, what a week...

I've been overwhelmed with work, overwhelmed with that mind-numbing fatigue.

Lessons to prepare, verbs to conjugate, translations to hand in on time.

But worst of all: insomnia, aching muscles and fatigue have been holding me in a headlock. I've tried to break free, but it's impossible. 

Sleepless nights ... 
Sleepless hours ...

Sleepless hours tossing and turning, trying to not get overwhelmed by this rhythm that seems just a little too tight for comfort at the moment. 

Fortunately, there are good friends to come for tea. To distract me with their sewing projects, their swelling bellies, their imminent weddings...

Fortunately, there is knitting to be done, a pair of slipper socks for my cheri to be finished. Whether a row or just a single stitch, it helps me feel like I've achieved something with my day, no matter how insignificant...

pieces of M.E.

I first fell ill when I was eleven years old. It has been quite a journey since then.

For many years, my life was at a standstill, passing me by as I watched on helplessly.

For many years, I wore nothing but pyjamas.

 

Somehow, against all the odds we soldiered on. 

There were times when the illness was all-consuming. But also brief periods of better health, when I was able to do things like my peers, all be it at a much slower pace: Study a French BA part-time at the University of Bristol. Spend 18 months abroad doing work experience as a part-time language teacher. Complete a language teacher training course. Meet and fall in love with a wonderful French man. Move back to France to live permanently.

In 2012, aged 25, I graduated from the University of Bristol with First Class Honours. The euphoria of that day, where I seemed to have overcome my difficulties and conquer my own personal Everest made me believe that anything was possible. That somehow, the mere fact that I had "done my time" with the illness and still managed to get a degree would mean that now was the time I would finally "grow out of it" as everyone had always expected me to...

Now at the age of 27, life seems to have once again ground to a standstill. The past twelve months in particular has been very tough, as increasingly poor health has forced me to stop working as a self-employed linguist for the time being.