19 March

you & ME

No Valentine's card for me today. No last minute roses, out of season strawberries, expensive champagne or unethical chocolates. No candlelit restaurant or diamond ring.

No big, show-offy gestures. Just a long list of tiny, meaningful ones. Just me and you, my love. You & M.E.

You made me breakfast in bed, because I was too weary to rise after a sleepless night. You came back from a walk bearing a tiny elm bough, plucked from a snowy hedge, bringing the outside in, because I was too poorly to leave the house.

You massaged my aching muscles. You held me close when the tiredness overwhelmed and the anxiety threatened to carry me away. 

We're simple hearted folk. We don't celebrate Valentine's day. We don't even know the precise date of out first meeting, our first date or all those other firsts that seemed so important to my younger self.

We don't keep these dates, but what I do know is this: it doesn't really matter to commemorate when the seed was first planted, but rather to keep nurturing and  tending to this precious love every single day.

I guard our precious memories fiercely in my heart's mind. When I'm afraid, worn out or downhearted, we take one out together, carefully unwrap it, admire and enjoy it from every angle with a whispered "Do you remember when...?"

We're not celebrating Valentine's day with pomp and circumstance. But you've been there for me when it matters, on a very poorly day, just like you always are.

*****

Joining in with the lovely Rachel and Faye to celebrate the love and support of the wonderful men in our (chronically ill) lives.

looking forward

2014 was a challenging year for me, for us.
My attitude tended to veer towards un-acceptance. Frustration. Sorrow.

But the earth kept on spinning round the sun. And now it is January once again.

For once, I'm not gonna try to "turn over a new leaf". 
The world doesn't change, we change.
Not who I am, but how I feel about myself.
About this. 

So this is 2015.

Where the past year was a collection of endless endings, then these months just about to unfurl will be surely marked by new beginnings.
Where the past year was tinged with a deep rooted despair, then we step forth into the blinding light of this new one with a renewed sense of hope.

So this is 2015. Welcome. 

*****

Inspired by the gorgeous words of Rachel Violet: 

"Despite all the heartaches this last chapter has brought me, as 365 blank pages unfold I am filled to the brim with hope that day by day we will all be reunited with our health, happiness and love."